The ban would take effect on Monday, 23rd March at 11:59 PM, which meant I wouldn’t be able to make it as my flight from Istanbul would be on 24th March. I immediately informed the embassy, and they had to make me wait for some updates from relevant authorities. I could feel my blood rushing to my head, so I decided to finish packing up in case I have to leave earlier. I did some final polishing around the house and waited some more. By midday the embassy got back to me and confirmed travel ban, and they assured me that they would find another route, but the travel agent was closed as it was Sunday.

A representative from MoE also called me to inform about the travel ban and if things were already sorted out. By that time I already submitted to my fate, whatever it was. I could only hope that things would just get better. A few hours later, the embassy called me again. They managed to find a new route for me, and it would be on that same night. The only catch was the layover would be 20 hours. I had zero willpower to care about how long the layover was, I just wanted to get out as soon as possible. I was already prepared anyway. They asked if I was okay with it and I just said yes without hesitation.

So I got ready, booked my airport transfer, ordered my dinner, packed some snacks just in case I can’t find any Halal food at the airport and did some final check. I was gonna fly from Istanbul to Hong Kong and from there to Brunei. I left the house at 10 PM, my flight was gonna be at 2 AM. Alhamdulillah things just went smoothly from there onwards. When I reached the airport only one door was opened, and it was guarded and only people who would be flying were allowed to enter. It was unusually quiet and empty. The arrival and departure list had more flights labelled as “Cancelled”.

Istanbul to Hong Kong was a 10-hour flight. I reached Hong Kong at 5-ish PM. Surprisingly, I was greeted by an officer from our Consulate General (CG). Apparently, I wouldn’t be alone. Hong Kong was gonna be the transit point for Bruneian students from Canada, US and Vietnam so representatives from the CG would come every now and then to greet the students who would come at different times. I was the first one to arrive. We were given a “hygiene pack” containing hand sanitizer, alcohol wipes, masks, a map of the airport and CG contact info in case of emergency.

We had to wait around the transfer desk area as our flight would be on the next day and the check-in desk would only open at 7 AM, and we couldn’t access the departure area where the halal food and surau was as we couldn’t get our boarding pass yet. So I had to survive on the sandwiches and chicken fingers I packed and prayed at the shower room :’) The shower room was clean tho. It was slightly bigger than the average toilet cubicle, and no one seemed to use it so it was dry.

The person from CG advised us to stay away from the crowd (it was surprisingly crowded, too) so we just hung around less crowded area, slept on the empty benches until the check-in desk was open. At 7 AM we gathered in front of RB’s check-in desk, and 2 other officers from CG came to assist us. They made sure everyone was checked-in, escorted us to the departure hall and briefed us about the flight. We were asked to be vigilant about our flight time and be ready early as we were gonna be the only passengers on that flight, so if everything was done early the plane would leave ahead of schedule.

After that they left us and we just waited until it was time to gather at the gate. The students from Vietnam invited me to join them, which I gladly accepted. They were DY students from UBD whose journey home was more tragic than mine. They, too, were affected by the Singapore travel ban. We had around 3 hours before the gate was opened, so we just chilled around there, and btw the only Halal restaurant at Hong Kong Airport is Old Town Coffee.At 2-ish we went to the gate, waited a bit and then we were called to line up. There was only around 25 of us in total including other passengers, and each one of us had one row to ourselves cos #socialdistance. By 2.40 PM everything was done and true indeed, we were 10 minutes ahead of schedule.

We reached Brunei at almost 6PM. After we got off the plane, before reaching the immigration counter we were asked to fill in an agreement form for self-quarantine. Then we went to get our passport stamped, collect our baggage and then more waiting as we had to write our names on a list, be sorted into groups as there were others who opted for Empire and self-quarantine at home. Maintenance of social distance was very strict. As we were lining up we had to be mindful of our distance, we were escorted to the bus and if there were family members they were not allowed to get too close.

So basically that was how I got home safely. Well, kinda. I’m still quarantined lol but that’s a story for another day. I’d like to express my gratitude to the Government of His Majesty, especially MoE and MFA who facilitated our return home in this distressing time, and Brunei Embassy in Ankara for the prompt actions.

May Allah protect us all and lift this calamity as soon as possible. Stay safe everyone!

The year is 2020 and the world is freaking out. The year unfolded in a downward spiral. As I’m writing this I’m currently in Brunei in the middle of March, which is very unusual because for the past 4 years around this time of the year, every single year, I would be in Istanbul worrying about my midsemester exams, which I actually still am, but seems like the semester isn’t happening and right now I’m still waiting for further clarification from the uni. I’m tucked away safely in a room at an isolation centre. It’s been 4 days since I’ve arrived. The current global situation will be written in the world history, and I want to pen this down for me to remember in the future. So this is my side of the story, of how COVID-19 is shutting the world down.

I heard about the outbreak in mid-January. It was my winter semester final exam, and I was due to leave for Malaysia to visit my husband right after my last paper. My mum had been nagging since the month before as she was concerned that I was gonna be alone for my journey to Kedah, where my husband was, from KLIA. The nagging was mostly because of my safety, but later on it became more worrying as the outbreak had significantly affected China. I just brushed it off as at that time as the outbreak was considerably local. So I flew off, spent a week in Malaysia and the remaining 3 weeks of my winter break in Brunei. During the last 2 weeks however, the outbreak had spread outside China and got its own name, COVID-19. My mum and sister already had their Singapore trip planned out before the first case in Singapore was announced, and at that time there was already 14-day quarantine advice going around.

I flew back to Istanbul in mid-February. My classes started on the 18th February, and things was already going downhill by that time. Suddenly the cases in Iran and South Korea spiked, and day after day other countries started reporting cases too. I remember when the first case in Greece was detected in Thessaloniki which is very close to the Greece-Turkey border I thought to myself that it wouldn’t be long until Turkey would also report their first case, too because all other surrounding countries were already affected. For the first 3 weeks after I came back to Istanbul things were fine. Life happened as usual but the anxiety was there.

I was still trying to get over my trip home. I missed my family so badly, especially Luna who was already outgrowing the baby phase, plus I didn’t get to spend much time with my husband whose return was rescheduled to two days before my flight. As the epidemic was getting worse and approaching us, deep down I wished I could go home. Then March 11th, the first case was reported in Turkey. Two days later, it was announced that schools and universities would be closed for one and three weeks respectively. That same night I called my mum, telling her I wanted to go home, but as it was only gonna be three weeks and if I were to go home, I’d have to be quarantined for 2 weeks, and not long after that we received email from the scholarship committee that we were not allowed to leave Turkey (note : I’m studying under Turkish Govt scholarship). So it was decided that I’d just stay in Istanbul.

I stayed at home during the first week of break. I only went out for groceries. I felt miserable and anxious because I wanted to go home but I couldn’t and the cases reported was literally doubling every day and I couldn’t help thinking what if I was actually exposed to the virus without me knowing because my daily routine involved going on the train. There was so many uncertainties. Then not long after the scholarship committee revoked the travel restriction and we were allowed to go home under several T&C and a few days later the embassy called to tell me that I could return home, flight fully sponsored by the government. I quickly took the offer, bugged the uni for a letter to prove that our classes would be conducted online (a T&C from embassy), which brought my stress level up because I got a call from the embassy on Thursday, and if I couldn’t get it by the next day I’d have to wait until Monday to sort it out and many flights were already cancelled by that time.

The embassy was kind enough to proceed getting my ticket before receiving the letter which I fortunately managed to get on Friday. I requested my flight to be on Sunday but as most flights were suspended the earliest I could go was on Tuesday (24th March), so I would be in Brunei by Wednesday (25th March). My journey would be Istanbul-Doha-Singapore-Brunei. Everything was settled, I could finally breathe and started packing up. I cleaned up my house, and gave the extra key to my friend on Saturday. I just dumped everything I needed to bring in one hand luggage and another slightly bigger one. I had ample time to chill, so that was what I was gonna do until the day of my flight.

Then on Sunday morning, I woke up to the news that Singapore banned all travelers from coming in including transit passengers.

A lot can happen in one year, let alone in ten.

 

At the end of 2009, I was 13. It was the beginning of the most exciting time of my life. The past ten years went by really fast, filled with achievements, failures and many life lessons that I carry with me now. It was the decade of constant changes and major life events, the decade of transitioning, from childhood to adulthood.  I honestly don’t know where to start. There’s just so many things I want to say, cramming 10 years into a short piece of writing feels impossible. 

I somehow never mentioned this anywhere here in my blog, I got married when I was 20. At that time, I really felt like I was ready for it, like I was old and mature enough to venture into a marriage. Three years later now, I admit that I was indeed young. Honestly however, it was not a wrong decision and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You might have come across a quote somewhere on the internet about every one of us has a different timeline, yknow, that sort of stuff. I arrived at that stage of life earlier (ticked all the boxes for a family unit even) than most of my peers. But unlike most of my friend, I am still slightly far from finishing my degree.

I used to dread the thought of having several years left to finish my study while all my friends was already so close to getting their scrolls, but that was something in the past. It took me some time to make peace with it and just enjoy the process, wherever life was bringing me. Our life does operate on different timelines. All of us have our very own rezeki Allah has reserved for us. We only need to be grateful and content when they come knocking at our door, and cherish them as long as they are still in our hands for us to benefit from.

From there, I have learnt that whatever happens in our life, 99.9% of the time there is some benefits of it for us, in spite of how miserable it may make us feel. There’s always goodness waiting for us down the road. We only have to trust Him, that one day He will make things get better.

The time is fleeting. The worst days will pass, and you will heal eventually. That is one lesson I have learnt about time. Time is probably all we need to make things better. When life doesn’t make sense now, trust me, it will make sense eventually. You may put whatever amount of things and efforts to work it out, but just like a cake, it’s gonna take some time in the oven before it turns into something we can enjoy.

This life is a long, long journey. It’s not all rainbows and roses, sometimes it’s storms and thorns. Many things will turn up uninvited, but we have to welcome them anyway with whatever greeting we deem suitable, even a slam on the door if you will. It might go away, it might stay. It will shake you to the core, just like that time when I was unsure about my life after being very sure of what I wanted to do since I was 15.

Changes are uncomfortable, but so is a stagnant life. Seize the power to leave things in the past. Sometimes we have to let go of the comfort of familiarity for something better, for a new outlook on life. It’s probably scary sometimes to change. ‘What if so-and-so won’t like me anymore?’ you might ask yourself. The fear of abandonment is real, but always put yourself first and foremost. Always go to wherever your heart finds everlasting peace.

I am 23 now, and I am grateful for who I am today, for the lessons that I’ve learnt and also for everyone I have in my life. A thousand apologies to those who’ve known me since my cringey days hahahaha. I wish all of you the best in this life and the next.

I can’t believe that I’m almost done with my degree. I was just 18 when I came here, and I still remember that one of time when I realized that we had only been here for 6 months and I thought to myself, snap! The journey is still a long way to go. Only this year, as I was finishing my third year did I realize, that time indeed flies really fast.

So what have I learnt for the past 5 years? Honestly, I don’t know myself lol. It’s something that I can’t really articulate in words, but I know for sure, I’m not the same person as I was yet I’m definitely not the person that I imagined I would be. I kinda regret not documenting my journey properly and consistently for the past 3 years, as you can see from the cobwebs I accumulated around this page.

Probably that is the major change in me. I’m now comfortable to let go of the ideals that I’d held myself against. I’ve learned to accept my weaknesses. I’ve learned to take it one day at a time because everything will end, be it good or bad, and I learned it the hard way. I’ve seen the other side of being strong, and it’s not going through everything alone, keeping all burden to myself.

Turkey was not even in my mind when it comes to higher education. It was a path no one had ever taken at that time. I was alone, and when people called me strong for taking the decision to come here, I let those words sit in me. I thought I was strong enough to continue my life here alone, in a city so foreign where I didn’t have anyone to relate to. Without realizing I was actually grieving from the homesickness. There was too much unprocessed emotion it was eating me inside. I thought being strong means brushing off all these negative emotions, but boy was I wrong.

So I guess I am better at managing my mental wellbeing now though it’s a tough work to keep up with because when you’re used to it once you go in a downward spiral it can be hard to stand back up on your two feet. I really wish I could put that in my CV lol. Maybe I should word it as “able to work under pressure”. So yeah, this is me after 5 years here.

And you know how this was possible? I actually went for counselling because when me and my husband had to decide on a long distance arrangement (another long story) in a sudden and very short time and it took a toll on me I was barely functioning. So guys, please don’t be hesitant to reach out for help and keep your stress in check. Also a PSA for everyone to be kind and check in with your loved ones and ask how they are doing.

Back to looking at the glass half full again and going on new adventures (and hopefully consistently writing here huhu). Cheers!

 

Some people mistake being a good Muslim = not enjoying life.

Let’s be real, we are living in this world. We have to utilise what Allah has put alongside with us to reach that destination, i.e. Afterlife.

Keyword: Moderation

Which means, staying in the middle between two extremes. And being moderate Muslim ≠ practice what you like and leave what you don’t(in terms of obligations). That’s called Cherry-picking!

An example of moderation in the Quran. Allah says:

In reality, if we really think about it, Allah does not ask too much from us. He has set a limit of what we should and should not do, and all we have to do is stay within the limit. Follow and you shall succeed, reject and you shall fail.

It might not be that easy though. Because firstly, syaitan wants to drag us along with him to Jahannam. Then there’s our bad desire, naturally occuring inside us. And then there’s pressure from our surrounding.

But it’s okay! Every single one of our efforts to stay within the limit will be rewarded InsyaAllah!

So, keep up the ibadah, have fun and stay moderate in whatever we do 🙂

P/s: We can learn about moderation from the life of our beloved Rasulullah SAW. Actually, the examples in the previous diagrams are from one of his stories.

 

School has started last Monday, but to my amusement, it’s kinda a thing here to unofficially extend the holiday into another week, so we basically has not started our class yet because guess what, nobody came!

And it’s been 4 days!

Well some people did come but.. still. The study vibe is just not there when there are only 3 people in the class, plus or minus you. Only one person came yesterday, and after the first period we decided to just leave. And today I was the only one who came, and I guess the girls have talked to the teachers so there I was in the class waiting for the teacher, who apparently was not gonna come, to enter the class. One hour passed by and I gave up and returned to my dorm.

Phew! It’s been a while since the last time I ranted on my blog. But actually, the real reason why I’m writing this is because I finally have decided to take up hand-lettering as a hobby.

Well, I know it’s not really a big news, lol. But here’s my first attempt on hand-lettering.

OBVIOUSLY it needs a lot of improvement since it was my first time taking it seriously. So it all started when I was just so done with revision two days ago (padahal nda jua batah banar haha)  and I thought, I need a new hobby. I was reminded of a friend of mine who’s taking Dentistry. She mentioned on her facebook about her lecturer who suggested them to find a hobby to channel all the pressure from work. Like, imagine having to face teeth every day. Things can be gritting (pun intended) if you have to do the same thing every day, so it’s good to do something to chill out once in a while (Disclaimer : This is not the exact thing she said.) Then I remember how I doodle a lot in my books, and I remember how I like nicely drawn quotes like this

 

I’ve thought about it before but I just didn’t have the determination to pursue it. And that night it came to me like an epiphany, so I searched on Youtube how to start doing hand-lettering. I looked up for tips and etc, and started practicing right away that night.

It’s kinda a big deal to me, because my life has changed since the past few years and when I look around, I realise that I’ve left many things that I used to love doing and there are so many things that I wanted to do but didn’t get the chance to do because some people told me not to. One of the life lessons that I’ve learnt from this is ALWAYS take everything you listen from people with a pinch of salt, and when they stop you from doing something, ask yourself is it really worth stopping because the person told you so. or if the person even deserves to stop you.

I used to love drawing, and I wanted to be an architect at one point in my life. I even wanted to take Art as my elective for Form One but my family didn’t let me. So I totally stopped drawing after Primary 6. I didn’t regret it though. I never, ever resented them for that because, I didn’t really mind and thinking again now, if I were to stay firm with my decision, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So actually there are goodness in listening to people sometimes. Don’t be too hard-headed, but don’t be too soft either.

I actually am more interested in colours, I guess. I still like drawing, but colours attract my interest more. Well I don’t know! But here I am trying to start a new hobby and actually be good at it. I realised how half-hearted I have been in many parts of my life, so this time, I’m challenging myself to take up the pencil and get it drawing. I know that if I started some times ago, I’d probably be good by now. But hey! It’s never too late, right?

 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah, 2015 is ending in a few hours, and yesterday WordPress.com sent me a summary of my blog’s activities which can be checked out at the link below :

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 920 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 15 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

2015 has been a good year for me. Yes, of course there are some goals from 2 years ago that I’ll be carrying again with me in 2016, and I hope that I’ll have the perseverance to achieve them before I turn 20 this year.

A friend of mine introduced me to One Little Word, where basically you choose one word every year to focus on and apply to your daily life. It’s my first time doing this, and my word for this year is “Rise”.

rise
[rʌɪz]
verb
1.
move from a lower position to a higher one; come or go up.
“the tiny aircraft rose from the ground”
2.
get up from lying, sitting, or kneeling.
“she pushed back her chair and rose”

noun
1.
an upward movement; an instance of rising.
“the bird has a display flight of steep flapping rises”
2.
an increase in number, size, amount, or degree.

And yeah, this word is taken after my recent short-story-turned-movie, “Bangkit” which was released last month.

I must rise from under the pile of the delayed tasks I was supposed to finish months ago.

I must rise from under the layers of ignorance that I have let to wrap me, shackling me.

I must rise to be a better me.

I must r(a)ise my writings in this blog into 20, beating my 2015 record of 19 posts

May Allah ease our way, bless this new year with abundance of barakah and make it one of the best years of our life.

p/s : Have your one little word? Share yours below in the comment 🙂

 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

If you are one of my Facebook/Instagram friends, you might know that a short movie adaptation of my short story Bangkit has been released. If you haven’t watched it, here you go

 

 

Original piece :

   Penggera telefon bimbitnya berbunyi. Tangannya mencapai telefon pintar tersebut, dan matanya yang masih berat dibuka. “Eh, subuh kan habis!” teriaknya dalam hati dengan mulut yang terlopong. Hilang berterbangan segala rasa mengantuk yang membelenggu tadi. 15 minit kemudian dia selesai bersolat. Dia kembali ke katil, duduk bersimpuh, lalu dia mencapai naskhah Al-Quran serta tafsir berwarna biru kesayangannya yang diletakkan di atas meja kecil di tepi katilnya. Dia mula membaca.

    Dia cuma membaca satu mukasurat, lalu dia membaca tafsir ayat-ayat yang dibacanya tadi. Namun perasaannya kosong. Hatinya tidak mampu merasa getaran seperti yang dirasakannya seperti selalu ketika membaca ayat-ayat Allah. Kusut. Kosong. Serabut. Entah sudah berapa lama dia merasa begitu.

     Naskhah kecil itu kembali diletakkan di atas meja. Hawa yang dingin menambah daya tarikan kepada katil yang sedia empuk. Dia kembali berbaring lalu selimut tebal dan lembut ditarik menutup seluruh tubuhnya. Dia mengiring menghadap dinding. Dinding berwarna hijau itu direnungnya tanpa berkedip. Fikirannya menerawang.

     Tidak keterlaluan jika dikatakan dia sudah hilang arah dalam hidup. Semangat jihadnya yang berkobar dulu kini layu dan kaku. Dia tidak pasti di manakah dia tersilap langkah, namun apa yang pasti kini dia telah rebah. Dia mengeluh. Tangannya mencengkam selimut yang semakin membalut kemas badannya. Dia menangis tanpa air mata.

     Dia beralih posisi, dan di hadapan matanya Al-Quran birunya melambai-lambai. Dengan longlai, tangannya mencapai Al-Quran itu, dan sambil dia berbaring jarinya membuka lembaran demi lembaran dan akhirnya terhenti di Surah Al-Mudathir. Dia membaca dua ayat pertama.

      Dia bangkit, dan selimutnya dilipat kemas. Dia menghela nafas baru.

 

Bangkit is one of my works for The iRead iWrite project, whereby every week, participants were required to send their writings according to the set weekly theme. I only managed to send 3 out of 4 required piece of writing, two of them, including Bangkit are short stories and the other one is a non-fiction.

The idea of developing Bangkit into a short movie began around a month after my last summer break started. I felt like I needed to do something productive and I got the idea of turning one piece from my short stories collection (no I don’t have a lot, to be honest) into a short movie. So I discussed with a friend of mine who has a connection with Momentteller.bn on collaborating and Alhamdulillah, the suggestion was well-received and a short meeting was held to discuss about the movie adaptation. In roughly a month, it’s up on Vimeo for viewing. The movie adaptation is 90% work of Momentteller including the script.

Personal Thoughts

I found joy in writing fictions. Despite of not taking it seriously, whenever I got to write stories (mostly during exams and to practice for exam) I always got carried away. A seed of idea grew wildly as soon as my pen touched the paper and my hand would move fluently until the last quarter of exam hour. Unfortunately I was, at that time, oblivious to the impact a writing could have to its reader. I didn’t realise that the emotion game played by a composition could be very strong. But unfortunately, the love I had for writing wasn’t nurtured as it deserved to be, and I admit that was my fault.

I slowly left writing due to some reasons (a few can be found here at no.1) and after regaining myself again (and a laptop) I decided to start blogging again, which was my main medium to share my writing and I also decided to join the national story-writing competition and after winning the first place, I started to remember the compliments – that I took as mere compliments, I received from my teachers for my writings and I realised that I could make good use of this talent to spread goodness. After a long period of ignorance I came back to my senses. I finally found the reason to live in this dunya. I found Allah. I found out that Allah is not just a god for the Muslims. Allah is the only God and there are no god other than Him. I finally knew that my purpose to live in this world is to serve Him.  As His servant I realised that it is my responsibility to spread His words in whatever way I could, and writing is what I’m capable of.

Back to Bangkit.

It was actually spontaneous. As the deadline for submission was nearing, I couldn’t think of anything to write. Coincidentally, I was at one of my lowest points when things weren’t just feeling right and all I could think of was cuddling in my bed and spend the whole day sleeping. But at the same time I knew that I had a huge responsibility on my shoulders that I couldn’t put down whenever I please.

I needed a motivation.

I needed a hard slap on my face with a chair.

And who could slap you better than His words?

No one.

So I started looking for something in Quran.

Thus, Bangkit was penned, in the hope that it could slap me and everyone who is in need of one. In the hope to remind myself first and foremost and  those in need of reminder that our difficulty in clinging to the rope of Allah is not a reason to stop striving. I really hope that this humble authorship of mine benefits everyone who comes across it, whoever you are, from whichever walk of life you come from.

Thank you to those who encouraged me to keep going.

May Allah grant us goodness.