Reflection

Honouring Children.

cbko

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

23rd April is a holiday in Turkey, and it falls on Thursday this year, which, when added with exam week gives you a long weekend.

It’s called Ulusal Egemenlik ve Çocuk Bayramı or National Sovereignty and Children’s Day. Everyone was excited in class yesterday (for the long weekend of course). Then, out of curiosity I asked our hoca (prounounced as ho-ja, chicher as we say it in Brunei) why is there a festival for children. The celebration is quite massive I would say. So many activities will be carried out, like literally almost everywhere. The answer is quite heart-warming, honestly speaking. It’s a gift from Atatürk to the children of Turkey. Our hoca further explained that because the children are the future of the nation, so a day off to celebrate them was established.

“This national day (23 April National Sovereignty and Children’s Day) in Turkey is a unique event. The founder of the Turkish Republic, Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, dedicated April 23 to the children of the country to emphasize that they are the future of the new nation. It was on April 23, 1920, during the War of Independence, that the Grand National Assembly met in Ankara and laid down the foundations of a new, independent, secular, and modern republic from the ashes of the Ottoman Empire. Following the defeat of the Allied invasion forces on September 9, 1922 and the signing of the Treaty of Lausanne on July 24, 1923, Ataturk started his task of establishing the institutions of the new state. Over the next eight years, Ataturk and his followers adopted sweeping reforms to create a modern Turkey, divorced from her Ottoman past. In unprecedented moves, he dedicated the sovereignty day to the children and entrusted in the hands of the youth the protection of this sovereignty and independence.” [source]

It is pretty impressive that children are respected to this extent here. One day of festival from one end of Turkey to the other end. I even heard that the Princes’ Island is only open for children today. I’m not sure whether this is true or not. But still isn’t that just cool?

Most of us know that  the children are our future, but in all honesty I don’t really see much effect from actions taken to brush up the future leaders who lead for real, who will make real progress and improvement, not just enjoying the thousands dollar of cash flowing into their bank account. The level of Sami’na wa Atho’na in our culture is quite worrying, though the Atho’na part is most of the time involuntary. Development can never be done when the fresh ideas that come from current generation are silenced, taken for granted, or preserved for snacks (read : jaruk) and questions are left unanswered just because they “are not worth answering”.

Turkish youth are nationalistic, brave, and they know how to speak up. And the best part is most of the time, they are heard and taken into account. When the hot water dispenser in our floor was not working and some of the Türk girls were going crazy because they couldn’t get their çay fix, they provided a portable one for us to use first before they could get the repair done. And imagine as a person coming from a place where even protests are non-existent, let alone riot, to see the tear gas tank and abang-abang polis waiting right outside of the campus compound already gives me chill. They usually do protest during exam season. I thought it was because sometimes they do protest because they don’t want any exam (illogical, I know, but that’s what I heard), but recently a senior explained that it’s actually because they will do protest if they are not satisfied with the exam question. And you will never know to what extent will they go.  My view might be wrong as it’s only my 6th month here, but that is what I see. These characteristics of Turkish youth, in my opinion, could be the result of the amount of respect the country has given to them.

All in all, I’m quite touched how this sunnah of honouring children is upheld in a country which by constitution is a secular country. Of course Rasulullah SAW did not specify any day to celebrate children, but the Children’s Day is still an excellent effort in shaping the future of a nation. It also should remind us of the sunnah Rasulullah SAW has left us with. Çocuk Bayramı Kutlu Olsun!

For myself first and foremost.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I can’t really remember when I started to realise that writing is one of my strengths… well minus my so-not-girly handwriting. Back then in school, you know how the questions for language (Malay and English) are right? In that list of questions I have a high tendency to choose creative writing over factual/academic writing. I joined competitions. I found joy in creating stories and connecting the words dramatically, be it in English or Malay. I enjoy putting things into words.

As for blogging I started around 2008 or so. I was just a kid, and blogging was kind of the in-thing. Don’t ask what were the things that I put in there, but they were definitely not something you would expect to come out of me. Even thinking about it makes me embarrassed sometimes. It has been safely deleted. But despite of all the foolish things I said, I actually enjoyed typing down my daily activities, new things I discovered, dissatisfaction and so forth.But despite of all this realisation that I have quite an ability to write, I never actually felt really passionate about it. All the competitions were just for the sake of joining and winning and trying out my luck, which most of the time, I was considerably lucky.

I’m not sure if it has developed into a passion or not, but recently I do feel some kind of relief when writing, especially on my journal which I just started after coming here. I started fresh with blogging around 2 years ago, which I failed to consistently write at first but I have overcome it after coming here, too. And not forgetting the success of “Kuadratik” (nerd aleeeert!!) Alhamdulillah.

As time passes my preference in the way of expressing my thoughts and ideas is expanding. Now, I am more into advocating in making the most out of life. We have a time limit to be in this world, which no one knows except for Allah, so why not make it more meaningful and presentable to Him in the Hereafter?

And in my current work I pour them all out, but as I am re-reading it I see that everything that I say is thrown back to my face.

“O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do? Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do.” [As-Saff : 2-3]

 
And then I realised that actually we all know a bit of everything. We know how important it is to focus in our prayer. We know that prayer is an obligation upon us Muslims. We know the importance of sincerity. We know this, we know that. But there are things that we know but we don’t practice, that we deliberately ignore on many unreasonable stances.  Or it’s just seated at the very back of our head, waiting to come out.
So, everything that I said, is not merely me reminding everyone else, but it’s a way of reminding myself, too. In the end, and in truth, it’s me who needs them the most, a normal human being, still trying to strive and struggling to remain on His path.
May Allah forgive us.

The blessing of health and time.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Spring has finally bloomed, and I got the chance to visit Gulhane Park last 2 weekends. I was actually meeting a fellow Bruneian who happened to be studying in one of the madrasahs in Istanbul. I chose Gulhane Park because I expected the tulips to have started blooming, And they did! So we spent that afternoon enjoying the flowers and scent of spring, updating each other about things happening since we last hung out together. The day went well  -until that night I started having fever.

Not only that, I developed quite a bad cough as well, and for the whole week I was sick and I had to stay in to rest. It took around 3-4 days for the fever to completely go away, and currently my cough is not driving me crazy anymore. But I’m still in the process of dezombifying myself after the Sick Week, because falling sick has disrupted my physical and mental system from functioning normally. My plans for the week were badly shifted. My mind wandered more than it usually does, and then at one point I missed being healthy again.

It reminded me of the hadith by Rasulullah SAW on time and health. Time and health are indeed deceiving. We rarely realise their presence until we lost them. As I was resting, too hot (literally) to do anything, coughing my chest out, things i was supposed to be doing and things i had been wanting to do were doing somersaults in  my head, and I started to wish I had done them earlier at the time when my health permits. But I was too late.

Take care of your time and health whenever you can, because once gone, it’s not something you can easily regain.

Things (and people) I have learnt (and am learning) to appreciate.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

If we were given a chance to rant about every bad thing that ever happened to our life we might spend the rest of our life whining, but the wise words tell us to count our blessings instead.

Well actually if I was given a chance to rant I’d be talking until your eardrums blow up. But thinking again…

…..“This is by the Grace of my Lord to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful! And whoever is grateful, truly, his gratitude is for (the good of) his own self, and whoever is ungrateful, (he is ungrateful only for the loss of his own self). Certainly! My Lord is Rich (Free of all wants), Bountiful” [An-Naml: 40] 

Mindset plays an important role to your mental strength. It highly affects your performance in everything you are involved in, from your career to being a social creature. Gratitude is one of the characteristic of a positive person. Gratitude is knowing that whatever we have, they all come from Allah. Gratitude, makes you forget about complaining.

The path that I have chosen to walk on has taught me a lot of things. I’ve come across with new people, new experience and many other things. Along the way I realised that I have taken a lot of things for granted. I’m currently in the process of accepting the fact that I can’t rewind and rewrite my life. The process is never-ending, anyway. But I know that I can fully utilise whatever I have now to create a better future. 

  • Islam.
I am, by birth, a Muslim. I had the privilege of listening to iqamah the day when I was going to start my journey in this world, but I don’t need to tell what came after that and how I was back then. I can never imagine where would I end up if Allah didn’t cross my path with the right people. Some people have lost the meaning of their life, and some found it, but they couldn’t find a way to reach it. Some struggle to the point of losing their life. But in my case Islam was like a beautiful gift wrapped up nicely that I couldn’t see among other perishable gifts I enjoyed unwrapping. This, too, leads to…

  • Brunei
I never really paid attention to it. Until I realised that it is my responsibility to serve the land that has served me first. Abode of Peace. It is indeed an abode of peace. Despite of internal conflicts that we have (don’t deny that we do have conflicts), it is my home. It is where I was born. The comfort might make me cling to it a bit more than I should, but listening to my friends talking about the problems of their respective countries has made me miss Brunei a bit too much. The people may make you wanna roll your eyes until you can see your brain, but aren’t people meant to annoy you anyway? There, I don’t have to worry about getting stuck in the middle of a protest or riot at the Mall Gadong or tambing (closest equivalent of Taksim Square), or having to wait in a 200-people long line to get a health insurance. In relation to the previous point, I can practice my faith with ease, solat in a comfortable space, and taking wudhu in a clean and easy-to-move-around space. Free religious education, too is provided. Here, if you wanna study about religion you go to the source by yourself, but in Brunei it is given to you without you having to move around much. Not only that, you basically get free education and healthcare.

  • Education
Maybe because Brunei provides scholarship for everyone. Some of us even get monthly allowance to come to school beginning from the Sixth Form. Seriously, who gets money for studying? Bruneians do (disclaimer : I did not receive any monthly allowance during my 6th Form years) and we don’t have to pay for it afterwards. Education leads to advancement. Be it in economy, civilisation, technology and even towards Allah. Some parts of the world are struggling to get access to education, and here I am, sometimes resisting the urge to be absent from class. Some people have to fork out a large sum of money and loan to continue their study, and to make it worthwhile they need to work very hard, having to endure all kinds of pain while we don’t need to work even 100x less harder than them.

  • Money
And I feel sorry for myself for being waaaaayy too better in spending than in saving. Now I realised that I, too, might not be able to continue my post-grad study under a grant. Seriously, in 5 years time anything can change. Our national budget has been cut by a small percent, have you heard? Istanbul has taught me a lot on financial intelligence. Yes, money can’t buy a better future, but to ease your future the involvement on money is inevitable. Self-control is very much needed. Being put in a foreign place means being able to stand on my two feet without having to depend so much on the others in many aspects.

  •  Parents.
Like during those kapih moment I tend to love my parents more. But after quite a while I realised that I am no longer a little girl, I am an adult, who should be responsible for herself and all her actions and decisions,and when calculated it seems like they have spent a lot more than they should for me and I have received more than I deserve, not just in terms of money. And realising that I am an adult now, it comes to my realisation too that my parents aren’t as energetic as they were before, and it cracks my heart a little that I can’t be there to help around the house, and it cracks me more to realise that I haven’t provided a good helping hand while I was able to do so.
  • Family
Nothing can attach you to another person more than blood can. After a long day outside, having to deal with other human beings that are getting on your nerves, you know how good it feels to finally be able to meet the people that shares the same kitchen with you for your whole life, talking about the highlight of your day over a good food.
  • Time
But how many hours have we let to pass by doing other unnecessary things, spending it on other unimportant people, and not utilising it to improve the condition of the ummah? Your family is a part of the ummah, too. Apart from that, with that time we used socialising on social media can be used for us to improve other skills and advancing ourself more, so by the time we are 19 we don’t have to regret over the things we wish we had done when we were 15.
  • Opportunities
Too many chances have passed by, too over unimportant matters.
  • Mistakes
Mistakes = lessons. After a series of them, you will see the wisdom inside every potholes you fell into, and out of them, appreciation will grow.
.

Being responsible for yourself.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It’s been close to 5 months since I left home, and one of the major life lesson I’ve learnt (still having it in fact) is self-management. Not saying that I can’t manage myself before, but after coming here I need to do it more than before. I’m sure I’m not the only one facing this.

No more scream demanding you to clean your room.

No more voice telling you to eat properly to keep your gastric at bay.

Having no one you can wake up at 3 in the morning to drive you to the hospital because your fever has not subsided after 4 days and is keeping you awake.

It’s saddening and breaking you apart at times . All your source of strength is Allah, yourself and your friends. Oh, and your family too, via virtual world.

But deep inside you know that you can’t be forever dependent like that. You know that one day it will end, but you are having it in a different way and maybe a bit earlier. So you decide that you have to get up on your feet on your own, walk your path, try not to stumble.

It’s tiring. One day you might even find yourself shattered all over the place because it’s squeezing you too tightly.

But isn’t that the purpose of Allah sending you into such situation? A strong Muslim is more favoured by Allah than a weak one, and He is impressed by those who do not waste their time of youth.

It’s not a shame to be responsible for yourself. It’s a shame if you can’t be responsible for yourself. Being responsible for yourself is basically providing the best for yourself, not letting yourself astray towards destruction.

Be grateful when  Allah sent you to a place where you need to raise yourself up. Allah is giving you a chance to impress Him. Being away from your family means you need to look after yourself and have control over yourself.

And everybody has a control over themselves, but only one out of two can hold the remote, either desire or wisdom.

You decide.

Worry ends where faith begins.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

After our winter break during the first class we were shocked with the news that we were going to have class on Fridays, 9 am-6pm with 2 hr break between 12pm-2pm, and before this we had an extra day of weekend on Friday, so this explains why we were kinda dumbstruck for days.
Yesterday was the first class. Since I’m a morning person I could cope with the lesson well, Alhamdulillah. But by 3pm-4pm it was a struggle to keep my head on the teacher. In the mid of that a classmate was reading my friend’s palm. We were sitting in a row. I asked her to read mine for fun.
[credit]
The verdict was :
1.     I’m gonna have 3-4 children
2.     I’ll be married to a foreigner.
 
The second one got me staring at my palm for quite some time.
Other than those, my life line is missing. I don’t know what does that suppose to mean, and on the “life” area it’s not too wrinkly, which means my life is not gonna be too bumpy. Well, considering my life now I doubt so. Briefly describing there are only two thick lines on both of my palms, hence due to the extreme faintness of the lines nothing much can be concluded. And oh, another friend also took a look on my palm and said I’m gonna get married early.
Ahem. Stop looking at your palms please.
Note : Believing any form of fortune-telling may negatively affect our ‘aqidah. Na’uzubillah.
The thing about these stuff is we when we believe them it leads to self-fulfilling prophecy.

Urban Dictionary :  Positive or negative expectations about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a persons behavior toward them in a manner that he or she (unknowingly) creates situations in which those expectations are fulfilled. In other words, causing something to happen by believing it will come true.

I was seriously staring at my palms awkwardly, trying to make sense out of the prediction. I checked eHow website on how palms are read and started doing the calculation. Okay so honestly I was kind of scared since I am currently in a multinational surrounding, so the number-2 sounded so highly possible to happen.

 Then it struck me.
 
Why do I have to be afraid about things that aren’t in my hands?
Pun not intended.

These matters had been written on my page. Like my missing life line it doesn’t mean I’m gonna die early, but I know that my day in this world is numbered, and all I need to do is live my life according to what Allah swt has instructed to do. And with all the other predictions, meh. I have many other tasks unaccomplished, for instance my assignment which is due this Monday, keeping all my ‘amal up and improving, to not come back to Brunei as another leech on government’s money, to tell people that there is another life waiting after death, which is infinite times better only if you live the current one enslaving yourself to the Almighty.

If you have enough faith that Allah is always providing the best for you, you won’t budge even a bit to stare at your palm, which I did, you won’t be bothered to wonder who is that person that takes up a spot on one line on the surface of you hand, you won’t be bothered to wonder what problems you will encounter that caused your palm to look ugly. 

The lines on your hands are meaningless, unless if those two hands are worn out due to many good deeds you did.
The most important thing is :-
Rasūlullah e said, “Allah said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. If he comes to Me walking, I go to him hastily. 
 [Al-Bukhari]

Istanbul -The Land of Strugglers

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Assalamu’alaikum wrt wbt
When i tell people i was gonna study in Istanbul I gotta endure all the “siuk-jua” reactions. I was actually quite excited as well. the only images I had in my mind were all the tourist attractions. I couldn’t help gasping in awe when I first came, and I told myself this is gonna be fun. The first few days went well, and now I’m entering my 4th month, I’m living the reality and things aren’t as good as I thought.
Currently I haven’t got my ikamet (residence permit) while all my friends who did it weeks or months after me have got theirs. I’m slowly learning to ignore the stares in bus, train or even in the dining hall at campus sometimes, and now that I can understand Turkish better I need to endure slight mockery too, though this is not as bad as the former, and don’t make me start on the bureaucracy. Not forgetting the moments when I got lost trying to go around places. I’m still in the process of managing myself in order to survive this city.
Other than those, frankly speaking Istanbul is quite pricey as well. People might get excited to shop at the Grand Bazaar, but seriously that place is the last one we’d go for souvenir shopping. And oh my, the men trying to talk you into coming to their shop or restaurant is just overwhelming. Believe it or not sometimes they even come to the extent of following you around. My friends and I wanted to buy the bus ticket to Ankara earlier. It was our first time, and as we got out of the train station at the Otogar Coach, one of the stations that connect Istanbul to other cities, several men were waiting literally at the end of the escalator, asking everyone where they want to go. The Otogar apparently is also an area where there are tens or maybe hundreds of offices of bus companies that provide transportation services. Just imagine the shops in BSB area but instead of shops the inside are ticket counters of many different companies. I was suggested to go with Metro or Varan (bus companies), but the men was so insistent they would bring us to buy the ticket.
We were overwhelmed and absentmindedly agreed to follow one of them. Took us few seconds to digest everything and I was kinda speechless as we followed him. We stopped for a while, discussed about it and decided that we’d just check the prices first and then compare with other companies. He brought us to one company I didn’t manage to see the name. the price was quite cheap but we still decided to check out if we could find better ones. So we explained that we wanted to check out the other companies but the person at the counter and the man that brought us insisted that they got the best price. We said we’d come again if we haven’t got the ticket, so we went out and checked out at another company, and when we turn around we saw the man waiting for us outside. At this moment i started to freak out. We got out and he insisted us to go with the company he offered earlier. we politely said no but he still insisted that he even reduced the price. We refused and he gave up, but I sensed dissatisfaction in his face. so we continued to go around the place to go to one of the suggested ticket offices and passing by row of offices we got slowed down by the promoters promoting their companies. at one point an uncle stopped us and pushed us to buy ticket from the company he’s working for. he even disallowed us from buying ticket from the company we wanted to buy from saying that they were expensive. When we said ‘it’s okay, we’ll check first’ there was a negative change in his expression, and when we left him he followed us and watched us from outside as we were buying our ticket. Creepy, I know. Along our way back too we got stopped numerous time but it was easier since we got our ticket.

This incident reminds me the situation in the Grand Bazaar and Spice Bazaar or anywhere else in Istanbul. You see same things everywhere. In one row of 10 eating houses its not impossible that you will see 10 doner skewers on display. Thing is you will find same things in one place. At the Grand Bazaar one vendor selling souvenirs are literally not more than 5 steps to the next that sell exactly the same stuff, and worse there are like hundreds of them. Same case with the Spice Bazaar, where hundreds of vendors selling same types of herbs and teas and sorts and they are all priced the same. The competition is just too harsh.

Thinking again I’m actually luckier than the others that come here to make their ends meet, because I don’t need to annoy people as much as they do to survive this place unharmed. When even the locals are having a hard life I can’t expect myself to get things done easily like they do back home. I think everyone is struggling here, whoever they are. I struggle, they struggle, everybody struggles. It’s a good experience though, I would say. I have learnt to appreciate things more, and this place really shows me another way of handling life. And doesn’t struggle come to toughen yourself? It does.

Coming to terms with the fact that I am, after all, a human being

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Assalamu’alaikum wrt wbt.

Personally speaking, I think a lot. if only thinking did not require new experience to constantly reshape my view on something i’d be a statue by now. Apart from the huge differences it has with Brunei, Istanbul  is a city full of surprises. The snow in my place was quite thick the other day, for example, and many more other things that have been bombarding me since the first day i came here.

Currently, im being tested with quite a complicated equation. Along the line i’m putting in factors, possibilities, causes, effects, consequences, outcomes and such and try to reason with myself.

Personally speaking, too, i’m actually afraid of making mistakes and i highly prefer perfection despite of not being a perfectionist. When things fall even slightly apart, i’ll panic like the world is ending and start apologising though actually there’s no big deal with that. when the guilt presents it burns me to ashes. i whisper to myself how stupid i am for making mistakes.

however, with the experiences and the constant thinking/reasoning i realised that i’m actually a normal human being, and human is quite well known to make mistake. i really forgot that i am a human being, not kidding.

im sure someone somewhere is encountering the same problem. we cant accept our weaknesses and start to curse ourselves when they surface now and then, and that is not healthy. we forgot that perfection doesnt exist in this temporary world.

im slowly trying to embrace that natural part of being human -making mistakes. it’s hard, but that’s just the fact.

Did you just screw something up? Congratulations, you are a normal human being.

Rebuilding a new (and better!) self.

Assalamu’alaikum wrt wbt,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I believe each and every one of us have encountered that one particular point in our life where everything seems so wrong for no reason. it just feels…wrong. and your heart feels empty. and you feel lonely. and you start to turn to something else to fill the holes, yet the chaotic silence in you is still haunting. and you swayed far from your inner peace. and at another point you realised how far you have gone. Guilt.

Be grateful when that feeling kicks in. Your heart is still alive.

That first breath you take after waking up every morning comes with millions of reasons to be grateful. You are still alive. You still have a chance to watch the beauty of His creations. You might have time to finish the assignment due today. But most importantly, you have the chance to make everything better than they were yesterday, including yourself.

Stop dwelling in the past. Cry first if you need to, but move on as fast as you can.

When you have that feeling, it’s definitely a guidance from Allah. Hold it tightly and don’t let it go, because the next time might never come, and (referring to the coming new year) you might not live to the next year. Take whatever you have now, and utilise them wisely.

As a normal human being I understand that it’s hard, but make even a slightest effort is much much better than nothing. Never let the turtle speed stop you.

Have faith, have determination.



9, sick and 3.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamu’alaikum wrt wbt.

Life vs me. Life has won. Thoughts of letting my fingers dance stayed as mere thoughts and many things have diffused away. I’m not even sure where to start now. Things changed quite drastically this year and the path comes in spiral and zigzag. i’ve stayed dormant for 9 months from writing, and i’ve broken quite a number of promises to myself to start again, but today alhamdulillah i’ve let my fingers win. not quite, im unwell so i got some extra times to make something i usually dont have a chance to do so. like writing.

This year i’d say is quite an important year. another transition took place, but it was unexpected to be like it is now. Apart from the busyness of handling activities (ref :here), gaining experiences and what nots, i was supposed to start my university last August. My choices and enrollment process was quite epic. Ranging from studying abroad, staying local to gap year (but this one came quite later than the other two), from psychology, media and communication, law to theology, i’ve got my next destination backed up with plans with several letters. Currently, however, it’s my third month in Istanbul and i know people still celebrate monthsaries, today marks my third monthsary of leaving Brunei lol.

i was surprised as well that eventually i’d end up here. as a normal human being it’s normal to have that desire to step foot in here but never in my whole life have i imagined to come and stay here as a student. i have enrolled to UBD the other day and was actually quite determined to develop that best of me, but right after the 4th day of orientation one email turned everything 180 degrees. i was actually quite scared to take that chance but after consultations with everyone and the process went very smoothly, i was convinced that this is the path that i was meant to walk on.

and with of all struggles i’ve faced, indeed Allah is the best planner. i managed to slowly brush off some bad habits i was hardly able to kill back then,develop new ones and with the responsibilities that came along and people i met along the way, this struggle is one of the best things that happened to me. but i’d be lying if i said i never reach any weak point. i did have some breakdowns that left me feeling shattered, but i learnt to wipe my own tears, get over it and be as strong as i can.

The lesson i learnt? everything happens for many reasons. it is hard to embrace this new life, but if i were to stay in my comfort zone and looking back now, i cant trust that person to realise my dream.

Here’s an inspiration to keep moving and breaking the cycle

“The intelligent and refined find no rest in dwelling in one place,
So leave your homeland and travel far away!
Travel and you will meet new people replacing those left behind,
And tire yourself out, because it makes life worth living!
I have seen that water stagnates when it stands still,
Yet when it runs it is sweet and pure.
And if the lion left not its land,
it would not catch its prey
And if the arrow left not the bow,
it would not hit its aim
And if the sun moved not across the horizon,
People the world over would have tired of the sky.”
– Imam Shafi’e