I can’t believe that I’m almost done with my degree. I was just 18 when I came here, and I still remember that one of time when I realized that we had only been here for 6 months and I thought to myself, snap! The journey is still a long way to go. Only this year, as I was finishing my third year did I realize, that time indeed flies really fast.

So what have I learnt for the past 5 years? Honestly, I don’t know myself lol. It’s something that I can’t really articulate in words, but I know for sure, I’m not the same person as I was yet I’m definitely not the person that I imagined I would be. I kinda regret not documenting my journey properly and consistently for the past 3 years, as you can see from the cobwebs I accumulated around this page.

Probably that is the major change in me. I’m now comfortable to let go of the ideals that I’d held myself against. I’ve learned to accept my weaknesses. I’ve learned to take it one day at a time because everything will end, be it good or bad, and I learned it the hard way. I’ve seen the other side of being strong, and it’s not going through everything alone, keeping all burden to myself.

Turkey was not even in my mind when it comes to higher education. It was a path no one had ever taken at that time. I was alone, and when people called me strong for taking the decision to come here, I let those words sit in me. I thought I was strong enough to continue my life here alone, in a city so foreign where I didn’t have anyone to relate to. Without realizing I was actually grieving from the homesickness. There was too much unprocessed emotion it was eating me inside. I thought being strong means brushing off all these negative emotions, but boy was I wrong.

So I guess I am better at managing my mental wellbeing now though it’s a tough work to keep up with because when you’re used to it once you go in a downward spiral it can be hard to stand back up on your two feet. I really wish I could put that in my CV lol. Maybe I should word it as “able to work under pressure”. So yeah, this is me after 5 years here.

And you know how this was possible? I actually went for counselling because when me and my husband had to decide on a long distance arrangement (another long story) in a sudden and very short time and it took a toll on me I was barely functioning. So guys, please don’t be hesitant to reach out for help and keep your stress in check. Also a PSA for everyone to be kind and check in with your loved ones and ask how they are doing.

Back to looking at the glass half full again and going on new adventures (and hopefully consistently writing here huhu). Cheers!